| Message | Subject: Fw: Newcastle disaster
A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Newcastle in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Benwell. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering fookin' mentill init and cont. The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair.Three historic sites of burned-out cars were severely damaged and many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. The Evening Chronicle news reported that hundreds of residents were bewildered and confused, still trying to come to terms with the fact something interesting had happened in the area. One resident, Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15 year-old mother of four, said It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. Even I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning. Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area in order to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings. These include Benefit books, jewellery by Elizabeth Duke at Argos and many items of Bone china from Poundstretcher.
HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food, clothing and parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after and the most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (hers) white sports socks and any other items usually sold in Primark. Required foodstuffs include: microwave meals tins of baked beans ice cream cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a fag lighter, to calm the nerves of those affected. Gregg's products including pasties and sausage rolls are also very high on the wanted list.
PLEASE DO NOT send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is unfair on the neighbouring areas of Elswick and
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